Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize