I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Randomize
