Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize