I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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