lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
