i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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