She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
