Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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