He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
