I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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