We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
