im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
