just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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