you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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