we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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