I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
