My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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