Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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