Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
