I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
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