Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize