that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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