he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My vagina is very pro this idea
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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