just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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