Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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