a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
What a dumb baby whore.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
