I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
