we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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