He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
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She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
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