I will die if light touches me.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
