is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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