my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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