I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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