I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
