Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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