I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
All the doctor said was why
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
