Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
