The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
