I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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