I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
