I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
