none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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