So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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