So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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