my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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