Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
