my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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