I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
