Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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