Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
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For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
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I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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