I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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