You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
