Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
