allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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