apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
As shirtless as possible
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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