You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
