I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
