just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
