ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
