I can't watch pbs sober anymore
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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