I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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