My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
