weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
