these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
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Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
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i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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