thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
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Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
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Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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