Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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