That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
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I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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