textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
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